Emptiness

My head throbs in pain, I close my eyes and put my face in my hands

My heart is wound tightly and cruelly as fear grips me

Emptiness

So hollow it feels I have been stabbed through my heart and the hole would not close, I am bleeding so quickly I am dying

I can barely feel myself

I can barely grasp on reality

Yet reality hits me so hard like hailstones in my face

I close my eyes and I feel more pain

I squeeze my eyes tighter in hope the pain would go

I try to focus on my breathing

The anguish and anxiety does not disappear

I clutch at my heart with my hands holding my rosary

Come on you can do it

What for, really? What for?

I don’t know what for, but you just need to

But I don’t see the need to, it’s all pointless. Everything is, pointless.

Clawing through, screaming through my own muffles

My sobbing continues on and on

I know I am but a little speck of sand in the world, in the universe

My troubles are small and irrelevant

I am overwhelmed by it all, because of myself

Awareness is something I did not appreciate at the moment

Ignorance is bliss, yet I struggle to find the truth everyday, every moment of every day in every little thing

I fight for a life of my own, a purpose to wake up to

I cannot speak, but I cry

Hours and hours of tears that leaves me shaking and trembling

I hold out my hand to nothingness

No, I hold out my hand to God

God that will lead me…hopefully one day I can see… where